It has become an assumption in this day and age that you move in together when you are dating, and if not then at least when you are engaged. People are really, genuinely surprised when they find that was not the case before Curt and I got married.
We get asked "how did you do that?", bringing in the question of self control; or "why would you want to do that?", bringing in the question of motivation.
Well, I can only answer those questions from my own view, but here goes.
First, as to the why.
1) I believe this is a commandment from God.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
Jeffrey R. Holland:"Secondly, may I stress that human intimacy is reserved for a married couple because it is the ultimate symbol of total union, a totality and a union ordained and defined by God. From the Garden of Eden onward, marriage was intended to mean the complete merger of a man and a woman—their hearts, hopes, lives, love, family, future, everything. Adam said of Eve that she was bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh, and that they were to be “one flesh” in their life together. 13 This is a union of such completeness that we use the word seal to convey its eternal promise. The Prophet Joseph Smith once said we perhaps could render such a sacred bond as being “welded” 14 one to another.
But such a total union, such an unyielding commitment between a man and a woman, can only come with the proximity and permanence afforded in a marriage covenant, with solemn promises and the pledge of all they possess—their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams.
Can you see the moral schizophrenia that comes from pretending you are one, pretending you have made solemn promises before God, sharing the physical symbols and the physical intimacy of your counterfeit union but then fleeing, retreating, severing all such other aspects of what was meant to be a total obligation?
In matters of human intimacy, you must wait! You must wait until you can give everything, and you cannot give everything until you are legally and lawfully married. To give illicitly that which is not yours to give (remember, “you are not your own”) and to give only part of that which cannot be followed with the gift of your whole self is emotional Russian roulette. If you persist in pursuing physical satisfaction without the sanction of heaven, you run the terrible risk of such spiritual, psychic damage that you may undermine both your longing for physical intimacy and your ability to give wholehearted devotion to a later, truer love. You may come to that truer moment of ordained love, of real union, only to discover to your horror that what you should have saved you have spent, and that only God’s grace can recover the piecemeal dissipation of the virtue you so casually gave away. On your wedding day the very best gift you can give your eternal companion is your very best self—clean and pure and worthy of such purity in return.(“Personal Purity” Ensign, November 1998).
2. Sex stimulates powerful emotions that are hard to be free from.If you have those strong physical ties how much harder is it to think clearly about your relationship and to decide if this is something you want for forever.
I have a very close friend who has fallen into this trap. She is pretty sure that this one boyfriend of hers is not who she wants to be with for the rest of her life, but no matter how many times she seems to break up with him she never can break free. Now, am I naive enough to think that the only reason this is is because they had sex? No, but I would argue that it's a powerful factor.
3. Did I forever want to be comparing my husband to previous partners? Did I ever want him to be comparing me in his head? The answer is a definite no.
That's a whole can of worms I won't go deeper into.
4. Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
The statistics speak for themselves. If you only have sex with your husband and he does the same, you have almost a 0% chance of getting one of these nasty little buggers.
5. Why did God create sex?
Well, to bring children into the world.
I cannot put enough emphasis on how strongly I feel on this subject. Children are a gift and a sacred responsibility. They are beautiful. They have almost unlimited potential, and how you raise them will play a large part in how much of that potential is realized. I am shaking right now with the effort of trying to put into words how important this is.
That being said, one of the things that makes my heart the most heavy with the way things are today is that the vast majority of people don't seem to feel the same way.
How many abortions took place last year?
How many children will be born to parents whose only tie is their combined DNA in this tiny little being?
How irresponsible. How sad, I feel like crying.
You shouldn't be having sex if you cannot provide a stable, loving environment for a child.
Period.
So after all that doom and gloom, let's get to the how we were able to stay "clean" before marriage.
Motivation was pretty strong, believing as I've outlined in the previous paragraphs, I don't think I would be able to live with myself if I violated these things.
The best ways to avoid the temptation? Date people who have the same values. Don't stay out too late. Keep your wits about you (ie don't get wasted, as I don't drink this one wasn't a realistic problem, but more on that in a later post). Be upfront and honest with the people around you about your goals. Don't be getting all crazy with the kissing (yeah, that's the hard part).
Well, I could probably go on an on about this. but this is long enough (maybe too long already). So, what do you think about this topic? I am curious. Especially if you are not of my faith.
Ha ha, I bet "sex" is mentioned enough on this post that I'll get some pretty different traffic from Google searches.....this is totally not what they'll be looking for. Oh, the irony.
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