Pornography

I know that I've said that I'm going to do a post on this topic several times now...but I have just not been willing to pick up this heavy topic for fear of exploding my views out too angrily or harshly and taking up too much space. Pornography is something I feel strongly about and it has made a jump to the forefront of my mind for several reasons.

First off, the stuff pretty much everyone recognizes as porn...strip clubs, naked pictures, bad videos. Is it just me or has this become insanely easy to access and ridiculously accepted in main stream society?
A couple years ago I read an article about how a public college had an actual class on pornography. Not just a class talking about its affect on society, but one you actually had to see an X rated video as part of the curriculum, are you serious!?!
I currently work at a power plant. The guys I work with are rough and tumble, mainly retired navy personnel. Come to find out from everyday conversations, strip clubs are a mainstay of after work entertainment. What's even worse is that these are married men. Where's the respect? What in the world do their wives think of this?
After one of my rants one evening along the lines of the last few sentences Curt asked a female co-worker what she thought of strip clubs. She replied that she had been OK with her husband going to them all while they had been married (past tense), but then had actually gone in one with her current boyfriend and had abruptly about faced on her opinion. Curt asked why the change and her reply was that she had not realized that there was touching. My question is why would she have been OK with it either way?
College aged boys and beyond almost universally pull up inappropriate things on the internet and are expected to stay up to date on the latest issue of playboy; they would scoff at the statement that this should be abnormal.

OK, I have taken some deep breaths and I now think that I am prepared to say something in a non-emotionally charged state.

These things are wrong. Very wrong. First off, what does this behavior signify or perpetuate? For one, it distorts men's view of women until they become merely objects who exist for pure carnal pleasures sake. I think it interferes with appropriate male/female relationships on every level, from mere acquaintance to marriage partner or father. Second, I believe that viewing/participating in this kind of thing damages one's soul. It creates a rift between the person involved and any means of feeling genuine self respect.


OK, so that's my summary of how pornography affects society as a whole.
But I want to go further...I want to share my feelings on a higher law that God has set forth for true followers- a higher standard that I expect my husband, my brothers, and any member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to follow and be held to.

Pornography is defined as the following on the church website:
"Pornography is any material depicting or describing the human body or sexual conduct in a way that arouses sexual feelings. It is distributed through many media, including magazines, books, television, movies, music, and the Internet. It is as harmful to the spirit as tobacco, alcohol, and drugs are to the body. Using pornographic material in any way is a violation of a commandment of God: "Thou shalt not . . . commit adultery . . . nor do anything like unto it" (D&C 59:6). It can lead to other serious sins. Members of the Church should avoid pornography in any form and should oppose its production, distribution, and use."

Can a magazine cover with a woman in a swimsuit be pornographic? You'd better believe it.
Are you in danger if you take this matter lightly? You had probably also better believe that.
Can a widely seen/viewed/accepted movie be pornography? Think "Wedding Crashers", I am disgusted to say that I have seen that movie. I'm sure you can think of many more.
Are many of the "funny" movies that come out today crossing the line in lewd humor? Yes.

I have found a most excellent talk entitles "Sense of the Sacred" by Elder D. Todd Christofferson. It says a lot of how I feel, but is said in a much better way than I can muster with my present writing skills. Please read it, I think your life can be enriched by its message.

Here are some other talks that I have found to be very good on the topic of pornography:

Pornography, Elder Dallin H. Oaks
A Tragic Evil Among Us, President Gordon B. Hinkley
The Sanctity of Womanhood, Elder Richard G. Scott
True to the Faith, President Gordon B. Hinkley
Blessed Are All the Pure in Heart, Elder L. Whitney Clayton

More than making me angry, this tide of sin that is washing over this world makes me bone-tired sad. I hate to see the deterioration of the family. I know that this will lead to very serious consequences in all levels of society. I hope for something better. I will teach my sons and my daughters to be better.

Money

You might wonder, why does a post on money make it onto a blog that is for spiritual thoughts?
The answer: I think they're inter-related.
I believe how you run your finances can be a reflection on how you run your spiritual life.
Are there exceptions? most definitely; but should you count yourself an exception?
Hmmm, that's shaky ground.

First Step: Debt is bad, bad, bad. Consumer debt is beyond bad. Bankruptcy is a very serious bad place indeed.
Am I perfect in having no debt? No, we are about to take on a mortgage for a new house and we have a bit to pay off on our vehicles. This is not the spot I want to be. I know better is possible and we're working hard to make it so. We have a plan in place that will make it (barring any unforeseen disruptions) so that we will not have to take out any student loans for Curt's graduate studies. We are selling my vehicle which should wipe the vehicle debt slate almost clean. We should be able to pay extra on our house periodically because we did not overly-stretch ourselves in the housing department, even when I stop working (don't hold your breath or read too much into that statement, that time is still a ways off). Other pros, we do not have any credit card debt, I was able to pay my way through school so I have no previous student loans, and we contribute a good amount to retirement accounts, and we are young so we have lots of time to eradicate debt (though I impatiently want it gone now). Overall, I can live with myself, though we are working to get into a better position.
Summary of first step: avoid consumer debt like the plague. Get out of it. After that work on mortgages and student loans, while starting on step two.

Second Step: Save for your future.
It saddens me that so many people in this world stay stuck struggling with phase one. The instability of it would give me ulcers. Like I said, we are not in our ideal situation yet, but I plan on being hard core into this phase by the time I am 30. Being prepared financially for any future = stability=security=freedom=ability to focus better on helping others because you can truly say you are on solid ground yourself (you can't help others up if you are on the same lower level).
I want to be able to serve missions (yes, that's "missions" with an "s" at the end). To do that I need to be certain that I can do that and provide for myself till the end of my days, not being a financial burden on anyone. I don't believe Social Security will be around much longer. I am seriously afraid of what taxes will increase to in the years that I live. I'm afraid that the amount of money we need to retire is something staggering, so we'd better start with as much as we can now.

I believe that part of being a good steward with the things God has given me is to become self sufficient (keep in mind, always acknowledging his hand in any success). I believe that the quality of being prepared is one God expects to see in his people, one of the things that makes him happy to behold. I do believe this is something we will be held accountable for.

I think sometimes I can come across as doom and gloom, but know this: I am a very happy person, and I am at peace with myself in this area. If this advice seems hard or overly harsh to you, know that "the guilty take the truth to be hard, for it cutteth them to the very center" (1Nephi 16:2). Know also that I am also a great believer in personal empowerment. I do not put my thoughts up here to beat people down or make people feel bad (assuming people read this, still not sure about that), I just know that you have to know true principles in your head and in your heart before you can actually live them and make improvements in your life.

I will end this post with an inspiring example of someone I know and who is someone I am trying to emulate, and then quotes from general authorities on the subject. I hope that they will be useful.

This individual I know got married in their mid twenties. He had a job as a mechanic; respectable, but definitely not in the upper echelons of the world's pay scale. He and his wife immediately started a family and had four children in quick succession. He worked hard and by the time his oldest was 6 years old he had paid for their 4 bedroom house in full and they had several vehicles that were also paid for.
Can I express my knowledge, again, that it is not how much you make but how much you spend that makes a difference.

The Miracle of Forgiveness, President Spencer W. Kimball
"Man has the moral obligation and responsibility not only of providing for himself and being a profitable servant, but also of caring and providing for his own family. 'The sluggard will not plow,' says Proverbs, 'by reason of the cold; therefore shall he beg in harvest, and have nothing.' (Proverbs 20:4). Likewise Paul: 'but if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.' (1Timothy 5:8)"

Guide to Family Finance, Elder Marvin J Ashton
"Financial peace of mind is not determined by how much we make but is dependent upon how much we spend. "
"New attitudes and relationships toward money should be developed constantly by all couples. After all, the partnership should be full and eternal. Management of family finances should be mutual between husband and wife in an attitude of openness and trust. Control of the money by one spouse as a source of power and authority causes inequality in the marriage and is inappropriate. Conversely, if a marriage partner voluntarily removes himself or herself entirely from family financial management, that is an abdication of necessary responsibility."

Constancy amid Change, President N. Eldon Tanner
"Learn to distinguish between needs and wants. Consumer appetites are man-made. Our competitive free enterprise system produces unlimited goods and services to stimulate our desire to want more convenience and luxuries. I do not criticize the system or the availability of these goods or services. I am only concerned about our people using sound judgment in their purchases. We must learn that sacrifice is a vital part of our eternal discipline."

President Ezra Taft Benson said, “Do not leave yourself or your family unprotected against financial storms. … Build up savings.” 4

Earthly Debts, Heavenly Debts; Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

Providing For Our Needs, Elder M. Russell Ballard
"Too many people in our country today are developing the attitude that government is obligated to care and provide for them. In many ways, government has fostered this attitude, but the members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints know better."
"Parents need to teach children very early that a solid financial base is a very important element in a happy home. We can do much with our young people to help them find satisfying, rewarding employment. We should encourage them to do well in their schoolwork and to learn to take advantage of opportunities that will help build a solid base for their future security."
"Cut expenses by distinguishing between wants and needs"

A Fortune to Share, Elder Sterling W. Sill
"Money is preserved labor, it is industry made negotiable, it is stored up accomplishment. It is the medium of exchange that we can trade for things that we can take with us and a great many of them we can actually send on ahead. We can take our families with us. We can take our education with us. We can take our great character qualities with us. And money is the medium that we can use to share the treasures of the earth with others who need our help."

I am a Feminist

I am afraid though, that my definition of this word is not the only definition so I will expound on my version here.

I feel that women are just as capable as men to own property and investments, to vote, and to be able to function well at all levels of business. Sure, there are some women who if you were to attempt an intelligent conversation on any of these subjects you would come away frustrated...but the same thing can be said of men. I'm saying you are just as likely to find an intelligent or talented woman as you are to find an intelligent or talented man. If you don't believe me, then you are either stupid or are looking in the wrong spots. There is no such thing as a better gender.

That being said, let me talk some more about the workplace. I believe that women should get a good education. Now, I need to tread carefully here. Going to school to be a teacher, or a homemaker, or as a "general studies" major may very well be a very admirable and useful thing to do (and it is getting a higher education), but I do wish that I saw more women entering fields involving high level math and the sciences. Why in the world was I only one of two women in a graduating class of hundreds in the Construction Management major? It's not because women are less capable and are not getting in, it's because women aren't even looking in that direction. I am happy that the percentage of women in engineering and other such programs is increasing.

I do understand though that there are some major problems of prejudice against women in the workplace, and it does make me a little angry. How much harder did I have to work to get a summer internship than my male counterparts? How many more end-of-college job interviews did I have to go through to get even one job offer even though my grades were strong and my resume and background made me highly qualified? The answer is an ugly truth, there is something wrong still existing in the system. Progress has been made, it is no longer acceptable (in fact, it's illegal) to ask "are you going to have children?", "if you did have children, would it affect your work?", "are you married?", and "does your husband's career come first?", but some employers just won't hire women because the answer to one or more of those questions might have been "yes". I did get the question "do you think you can get these rough and tumble subcontractors to listen to you?" and then they listened in very obvious disbelief to my answer. I even got told at my one-year review by the owner of the company that I did get hired at that "he had had some doubts that a woman could perform my job functions", but that I had proved him wrong. (Don't get me wrong, I am so not mad at him, he actually was honest and fair enough that he allowed me to be hired despite his doubts, but the fact that these doubts plague those with the best intentions is disturbing). So, women still have a little bit of a battle left. OK, that's reality and I'm up for the challenge. And I do realize that the construction industry is a little bit behind some other industries in their attitudes.

So, the previous paragraph shows that I am all gung-ho for women having a valid, satisfying career, and I especially love when I see women in positions in the top tiers of management. But, and this is a big but, I think there is something equally important. The role of a stay-at-home mom has somehow become a demeaning role in the eyes of some women, which is something that I cannot comprehend. How important is it that the children of this world be raised by strong, intelligent, and educated women? I think that it is vital. I cannot understand the decision of some women who decide to bring a precious child into this world, and then hire a nanny or hand them over to a daycare center. Yes, yes, I understand that children can hamper the progression in a career. But then, why decide to have a child if that is your priority. Seems selfish.

One last topic that I want to bring up today is the feminist movement in support of abortion. Hey, it is our body, we should be able to direct what goes on with it, right? In the case of abortion, I think this attitude is absolutely dead wrong. Fine, you have the right to do pretty much anything if it just affects you....but this doesn't. There's a child involved. And for those who say "it's not a child yet", the very serious question is: do you really know that is true? I would argue that we don't know, all we do know is that if you don't abort, that will be a living, breathing child with a soul and personality all their own. So if you do abort, you will very violently and permanently take that away. Sounds like baby murder to me. Bad shivers, yuck, gross, puke. I'll leave it at that.

I'm planning on doing a post on pornography soon, which will bring in my feminist take on that.